Venting

Ok, I just need to vent and vent and vent. But where to start??? I'm finding it difficult to study when I just don't care anymore. It's not what I want so how do you keep on trucking along??? I'm just so torn apart and so.....lost. It seems like every time I see a light, the clouds come rolling in. I'm also frustrated at being left behind...but that's how it always goes with the youngest isn't it. I find it utterly impossible to see the future and it's killing me. I've never been a patient person and I've never been one to NOT stress and I feel it'll be the death of me. I want to go home, yet I want to go here yet I want to go there GAHHHH when will this ever end. I know I only have 3 and a half more weeks in this hell hole, but that knowledge is distracting me and causing me to be lazy and and.......I just want to get a job and settle for awhile. I need to be away from this place....and I have said this a million times I know, but I'm sick of being alone. I just can't read signs or messages and I still don't understand why men consider us the confusing gender. I don't see it at ALL!!!! Yet, there is a part of me that knows he isn't the one I should pursue, but being with out any male attention for oh 7 months really makes it difficult to not get a little excited at the smallest details, even if they get smashed and brought back up again. Boys suck. BUT then again i'm only 19 and I don't know what I want. There is something though that I know with a passion. Conference really hit me hard today about the significance of a temple marriage and having a family and I crave that so bad. I see my siblings getting married and having children and even though they are struggling with adversities at least they have someone there to help deal with it. It's amazing what being alone does to one's mental state of mind. I just want summer and sunshine and camping and.....I wanna go home. I can't do this much longer....I can't concentrate on my studies, I'm only doing things half assed and the only thing keeping me up is the Disney marathon I've been having and even that in itself has discouraged me. I seek and I seek comfort and help from the lord and ask him every day to keep me strong for this short while and every day I get a little more down trodden. I know I don't have it as rough as others, I still have shelter, and food, and a supportive family.....but I'm also miles and miles away from any of them, in a foreign place that brings me nothing but pain. The only bright side to this experience and I am grateful for it every day is the gaining of my testimony and the reunion with my savior. I also gained a forever sister, even if she was taken away from me. It seems that the start of the second semester was how my college experience was supposed to start if the lord hadn't played his hand in the situation and sent me Kayla. I just hope that I can make it through these next few weeks. I've gained and lost in this whole experience and I'm ready for it to be over. It's the last stretch and it's taking forever.....family I need your prayers.

MEGHAN-ology

***********FOODOLOGY******

What is your salad dressing of choice? poppyseed or ranch

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Red Lobster or Olive Garden

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Alfredo

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Olives and mushrooms

What do you like to put on your toast? eggs and bacon

Chocolate or Vanilla? Definitely chocolate

***********TECHNOLOGY*****

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How many televisions are in your house? One

What color cell phone do you have? Blue

Do you have a laptop? Yes a Dell

***************BIOLOGY******************
Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? My wisdom teeth.
What is the last heavy item you lifted? My backpack

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? nope

************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no because then I would stress. I already stress about it.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Rebekka..but then I wouldn't get to name my daughter that.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Probably

************DUMBOLOGY******************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 2

Last time you had a run-in with the cops? When I got pulled over going to Lagoon with Nicole's work. Which was like 2 years ago.

Last person you talked to on the phone? My mom

Last person you hugged? My mom

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
Season? Spring/Fall

Holiday? Christmas

Day of the week? Saturday

Month? September & October when the leaves change color.

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone? my family & Kayla & my dog

Mood? Tired and bored

What are you listening to? Rush "Cut to the Chase"
Watching? Myself type
Worrying about? Whether or not I should like this boy.

***************RANDOMOLOGY****************

First place you went this morning? The bathroom

Do you smile often? I used to. I don't smile as much anymore sadly.

Sleeping alone tonight? yup *Sighs*

Do you always answer your phone? Yup

It’s four in the morning and you get a text message... wrong number or drunken friend? Drunken Friend....most likely Eddie.

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? probably coconut mmmm

Do you own a digital camera? Yes

Have you ever had a pet fish? Yup I have Sir Herman Scuttles the 1st!!

Favorite Christmas song(s)? Sleigh Ride

What's on your wish list for your birthday? A CAR...(got something towards that though :D )

Can you do push ups? A half of one.

Can you do a chin up? I can lift my chin up. Does that count?

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? BOTH

Do you have any saved texts? Nope

Ever been in a car wreck? Only one serious one. The others were just little dinks. No biggie.

Do you have an accent? All depends on where I am at. I can easily have one though.

Plans tonight? Work on my Biology Review
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? I'm there. LOL and boy is it bumpy.

Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Probably Diet Pepsi, Food, and food.

Have you ever been given roses? Not that I can remember :( Maybe from my mom once.

Met someone who changed your life? Kayla

How did you bring in the New Year? Sitting alone in my parent's living room trying to find the sparkling cider while they were asleep :( Alone once again.

Do you have any tattoos/piercings? Just my ears

Does anyone love you? I believe my family does. LOL that's about it.

What songs do you sing in the shower? Oh all kinds, depends on my mood.

Ever had someone sing to you? My friends would always leave a voice mail singing me a song. Usually Kallie :D

Have you held hands with anyone today? Nope :(

Who was the last person you took a picture of? Herman my fish. He is a terrible poser.

What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? whatever my parents were listening to. LOL

Do you believe in staying close with your exes? Nah...I'd prefer to be as far away as possible from them and hey what do you know I AM :D

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Mostly old, i've made a few new ones but nothing to grandiose.

Do you like pulpy orange juice? EWWW sick no and I can't believe my mother does.

What is something your friends make fun of you for? The stupid things I say and do (and it's more my family than my friends.....what am I saying my family are my friends)

Have you ever ridden an elephant? No but I want to!!

Do you like to play Scrabble? I have never played it.

What are you saving your money up for right now? A CAR

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? The other day. That is one of the basic food groups I eat at college :D